Clumsy In Love

"It always happen in the movie, why can't it happen in real life? Well movies are depiction of true life! Its an imitations, It can be fiction and life itself uncensored nor edited. Therefore, the possibility for it to happen exist. What is going to happen? What's going to happen is, love... Its downright nauseating and cheesy. But love is all about being cheesy and downright nauseating. This feeling comes and goes but the way it effects you is insane and funny. I always feel funny and insane.

The way he keeps running through my mind and I wish I know his name. I wish I knew his name for every odd reason! Reasons like, to Google him. To plan our wedding card and to come up with beautiful names for our offspring! All I need is a name and the living person next. Oh! wretched life. How did a single stare and a sheepish smile melted this cold hard rock heart of mine? How is it possible? What spell did he cast on me and lead me to a land of dreams? The way it happened almost like it was purposely done, perfectly coincidental and straight on the punch line. Is this fate? What follies, what bothersome and what nuisance. Why can't an over-voice just boomed out and tell me, QUICK! TAKE HIM BEFORE HE GETS AWAY! end of story and save me from a lifetime of misery. I don't want a second chance, I want that chance so I don't have to go through this right now and fretting the incident over and over in my blog! This is frustrating!!!"

I'm not being totally honest, aren't I? Let me tell you the story that took place on Wednesday, 18th of March 2009.
"At around 6:35PM. Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday is 'Gym Day'. At 5.30pm The She-Poet will clear all files away, shuts down her computer, switch off all lights and went down to the lrt station. By six she's waiting for the LRT and given another 15 minutes to board. In 5 minutes she'll arrive at KLCC and a 5 minutes walk to Menara Maxis and almost every time by 6:35 The Poet will be there at the entrace of Fitness First gym. She was alone in the elevator. Because the interior is filled with mirrors she was tempted and she spotted a smudge right under the corner of her left eye. As if she acted on impulse, she leaned forward, closer to the mirror and tried to smooth out the jagged line. Suddenly, the mirror breaks in two and disclose a blur figure with a grin on his face...She was caught off guard, fumbling and almost stumbling with her current situation. A silent scream played a good round of trauma attack in her head. What betrayal! There she was standing awkwardly with one eye wide open and mouth agape."

I was too embarrassed to notice... I actually or cognitively blind and it took me 3 seconds to notice that there was a guy staring at me face to face. His eyes was wide and a sheepish smile adorn his lips. He was glowing, his hair was wet that explained he just went out from the shower, he was wearing a crisp-y white shirt and a pair of black pants. His shirt was unbuttoned and I can see his sexy neck, colar bone...a bit of chest maybe.. just a glimpse of his chest muscles... :p Nevertheless, I was too embarrassed to notice anything else and make my way quietly to the entrance. But as I changed to my gym attire, while I was running on the threadmill, on my way back home and as I am closing my eyes to sleep. There he was can't stop smiling at me, blurry but definitely smiling at me.. hmmm"

The End.

I Believe in True Love

"Guna hati, akal dan fikiranmu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku…" Meet uncle Hussein -Lagu Untukmu-

What do I really want from you? Was it really Love? But you’d made it clear, you’re not into love. You’ve just got out from a real bad end of a long relationship. Is that true? Or is it another excuse for you or its easier to say. If you’re not interested, why bother to call or message. You should let it ride and disappear. Is it because you’re lonely, as I am?

It’s true. I am lonely. I believe in true love because it helps to make life less cold. It gives me hope, knowing that there is someone out there loved me or can’t wait to love me. I’d tried to make use every opportunity to be out and about. Maybe, while I wasn’t looking someone will took notice of me and would appreciate my existence and maybe if he has a bit of guts to actually talk to me.

I don't know, how I know. There is such thing as true love. True love. Call me lame even stupid but I will hold on to that for the rest of my life. Come what may, but I won't budge or change because I know.. Love will conquer all! True Love does exist, it does!

Hey you. I’m tired of playing this nameless game. It’s enough for me to know that you’re not interested of love or commitment. I got it, it's not what you desire. I need stability, both physical and emotion. If you can’t provide me both, then I have to bail and let this one ride. I’m sorry if I had caused any form of confusion or heartache. At least you’re not a bit affected by it.

I'm not that daft, I know love can't cure famine or hunger and its always there. Where there is love, there will be war. Yes, I accept that! Therefore...I’m saying goodbye and thank you for the lesson. I really appreciate it.

I can name all the things in the world..but not the thing that is hollow, within me...

There are three words...
That I can give you...
And three other meanings
That I wanna do with you...
Three words...
these three words,
What I had wanted to say to you...

Love of Modality

IF Love have eyes
It is looking

IF Love have hands
It is hugging

If Love have legs
It is dancing

Wherever you go
Love will follow

Whatever you do
Love is there with you

Love can be Mental
but it can be unconditional
and yet very sensational!

DEPRESSION

It feels like staring in the dark. You can't see anything. You don't know where to start. You don't know what to focus on. You can feel the walls around you moving in and growing. Suddenly. You have been swallowed whole. Surrounded in a total eclipse. Slowly you merged with the void, inside out. You tried to fight it but there's nowhere to run, nowhere to go. You know you can't escape because you're in it. You won't give up, so you scream and scream hoping someone could hear you. No one came, no one hear you and no one care.

"Help me! Please! Somebody, anybody! Please, help me! Help me!" your hope is running thin. The only thing you hang on to, is a breaking, thinning old piece of rope of hope. You keep shouting your life away, for help. A soft cynical voice within your head whispered in your ears and straight to your heart that no one cares. No one ever did. The people are deaf and blind, therefore they are meaningless as you're meaningless to them.

Its black. It's pitch black. You can't see nothing, not even your own self. You're looking for your hands, maybe you can reach out and find a way to climb out by yourself. You can feel them but you can't see them. It's like they are there but at the same time they are not there almost nonexistent. You started to doubt them, but you want to be free. You know they are there! You can feel, you can feel. They're hiding, yes, they are hiding from you. It's so dark down here, so cold. Why won't they reveal themselves to me?

You started to cry, so you thought you are crying. Because you can feel the tears running down your eyes, warm and wet tears. Your chest starts to feel heavy and heavier, you can't breathe. You forgot. You forgot how you used to be like. You tried to remember, but you can't. You can't or you won't.

You tried to walk, maybe slowly you will find a path or a glimpse of light. You took the first step and you fall. You're falling. You can feel your heart took a leap and pumping twice over. You don't know what to do, so you tried to enjoy the fall. Since it takes you a while to know where will you end up. Ending up dead is better than your current situation now. You can feel the harsh cold stabbing breeze slashing through your body and soul. Its seem to be never ending. Stop!

Why did you take that fall? Why? You didn't know you were going to fall, did you? But you did. There's still a spec of hope within you. You're still waiting for that hand. Not to reach out but maybe to catch you. You're waiting for that loving, compassionate hand to catch you as you're falling to your doom.

Those hands will keep you warm and secured. Loved and pampered. You will hold on to that hand and never let go. they will pluck you out from this horrid nightmare and put you in the light. You will smile again! You will! The same hand that will hold you up and never let you fall again. The hand that will take you to places away from the darkness of your own heart and others. Where could those hands be.. where?

MATAHATI

Andai mata bertentang mata
Andai hati mula berbisik kata
Alangkah indah hidup tanpa bicara
Kerna jiwa menyelami semuanya

Andai nafas pandai bercitra
Andai jantung bisa bersenda
Alangkah damainya hidup tanpa sandiwara
Kerna dirimu dan cinta adalah sama

Andai aku si teruna
Inginku sunting si bunga dara
Alangkah bahagia kisah cinta kita
Kiranya kau milikku 'tuk selamanya