THANK YOU 2012

This year was a good year...I've got a job that I like. I've got that car I've always dreamt of. I've met that guy, he was perfect. This year was definitely a good year!

The job gets better with time and tasks. The car came later than expected. The guy was a total hottie and a better gentlemen.

This year got better as I grew older. I've learned a lot of my job. I've realized responsibilities doesn't come cheap when it comes to car and that guy is broken and he has someone else...

The job was stressing as I don't know much of it, the car I've always wanted is not as I always imagined it would be. The guy I liked very much got engaged.

This year is a good year. I am definitely a different person than I was before. A person who was easily defeated, who was never thankful and always looking backward instead of being foreward. The car was better, although I didn't get the one I wanted but it definitely was better than what I had wanted. The guy...he is engaged and I wish the best for him because I know something better is coming my way. Smile.

This year was  not a good year to be negative and feeling despondent because I'm in better place than them who are unfortunate. I got a car to go home where I truly belong and spent time with mom and dad before they're gone...It's definitely not a good year to cry over a guy who was never mine to begin with and definitely not a total loss because he was never the one that I really really wanted to spent the rest of my life with. Kan.

I love this year. Thank you Allah for being every step of the way and I wish next year would be as blessful as this year. Insya-Allah. Amin.

You are SIREN

I can't look at you there’s an unsettling wave crashing at my heart every time our eyes met. I feel drawn to you and a silent voice keep shouting at the back of my head to get away. Far away, before it’s too late. The crafty silk thread you weaved dazzle under the light of your brilliant smile and warmth disposition. Playing a tune to coaxed me and I was at that briefest moment almost caught for it. Too intoxicated in my own delirium I missed and crashed awake at bay. I survived to understand that the journey is not as simple. You are the favourite riddle that maze is made to confuse. Like a siren you  lured victims in your wake by charms and watching them drown in the deepest depth of your game.

 

Plan B Caramel Cheese Cake 

LOOK! I GOTTA CAR!!!

A special gift for myself, to feel a little bit of happiness and note to self that its worth it. Yes, finally and about time I have gotten it! I'd bought myself a CAR!!! A CAR!!! Hello world! I bought a car and yes it is an automobile that moves with four tyres, carry real people, people like ME and excudes smoke and eats petrol and its a car! I didn't get a boyfriend for this year but I got myself a CAR!

I can't describe how I'm feeling but I can tell you its scary...Not scary bad but scary in a exciting plus nervous and plus liberated kind of feelings. Get it? Well, yeah...I kind of proud of myself because I got my first car at the age thirty and its really really a mark of achievement in my life at this stage.

I believe the car would perfectly simbolize the journey I'm on and when things gone wrong I can flee or drive away, faraway and nothing can harm me cause I have a car. I can go anywhere without depending on anyone! I don't have to wait anymore! I hate waiting! I guess I am slowly growing out of my shell and slowly making my way through the small cracks into the real world.

Thank you, for giving me strength and believing that I am able to decide for myself and I can do it.

SAD

Words cannot express the feeling of sadness inside my heart…it doesn’t rhyme with the aching feeling I get every time I looked at you. It describe nothing like being forlorn or miserable. I can tell you how it slowly took my breath away leaving me gasping for air. My heart beats faster, eyes wide and glistened with unshed tears. Inhales deep and slowly tears roll down as I release! The pain won't go away and my eyes won't stop crying. Cause I know, theres nothing I can do to change your mind...

IZINKAN AKU MEMBENCI MU

Izinkan aku membencimu
kerna hatimu tidak punyai ruang dan waktu
tuk diri ku ini

Kiranya cinta itu ada..
Ia bukan untuk ku tapi
Dia yang kau dampingi

Aku hanyalah si penebus masa,
yang bisa kau gunakan ketika perlu dan
apabila tiba masanya kau ke sisinya

Aku bagai si dungu yang hilang arah...
tersesat dalam mainan cintamu
dan ilusi ku sendiri memakan diri.

Izinkan aku membenci mu
Kerna itulah yang terbaik bagiku
tuk menerima yang aku bukan taMu pertama di hatimu...

Maaf, kiranya membencimu itu lebih mudah bagiku dari terus mencintaimu.

Give Your Heart a Break - Demi Lovato

Let me be the one...to fill the void and just take my hand. Please take my hand :)

Hidup bukan untuk diri sendiri kita, tapi untuk NYA yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Maha Mengetahui. Sesungguhnya setiap ketentuan telah tertulis atas kehendakNYA dan sebagai hambaMU wahai yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang, tunjukkanlah aku ke jalan yang benar...berikanlah aku taufiq dan hidayah mu Ya Allah. Jauhikanlah aku daripada melakukan perkara-perkara yang mungkar lagi menyesatkan dan lindungilah aku dari hasutan-hasutan syaitan yang direjam.

Work always bring you down even when you are absolutely, positively feel that you have done all the best you could...was it not enough and still need to do more..to push yourself more? I'm tired, I don't think I can care about it anymore.....

I can't look at his face anymore because if I do, I'll want him and it would be bad because it will be harder to let go. I just knew I can't let go of these feelings of longing and wanting...If only you knew what I've shared with God and only He knows what best for us and every time I pray for us, together or not...

Would it seem stupid if I say something like... I love you, Je t'aime, Aishiteru, Saranghae, Cintakan awak or Wa ai nii..Would you laugh out loud and take it as a careless joke and then this clumsy heart of mine will slowly withered and die of an agonizing death...or you could look at me deeply with all the concern in the world and so much raw feelings cause you will want to say all the words I've just said or maybe one that you can perfectly pronounce, well. You could. Would you take my hand and promise of a life together in a holy matrimony. No? Its too fast, oh..you want us to try-out first?

....

Yeah...

Sempurna - Andra And The Backbone

I would love to say it again and again that you are..if you only knew how perfect you are to me. If I could I would keep you all wrap down and hidden from the world because you are and you ougth to know how perfect you are to me compared to anything in this world you are...PERFECT

Bencinta

Sleeq & Najwa Latif - Untuk Dia

Tak nak! Tak nak! Tak nak! Terima..yang dia dah ada yang disukai..dicintai..disayangi. TAK NAK TERIMA!

I can be better than her
I am prettier than her
I am richer than her
I can make you happy, heck happier!

I want that look in your eyes when you spoke of her
I want that lingering smile when we mentioned her name
I want that blush when people joke about your stats
I want you to smile because of me too and most importantly...
because you love me like that

I don’t know when I don’t know how And I don’t know why this heart is beating now So you are the cause the so call rush, I don’t know when I don’t know how And I don’t know why this heart only starts beating now So you are the one the rhythm calling to my soul, I don’t know when I don’t know how And I don’t know why this heart aching for you now So you are the love that I’ve been searching for I don't know when I don't know how But I do know why its yearning for you now So I can take care of you, build a family together and live happily ever after. THE END.

NOTE TO SELF: You know you 'like' him when...

1. You will always try to catch a glimpse of him, his profile among the crowds, his boots on the steps and hearing only his voice in the hallway makes you happy.

2. The last voice you want to hear, before going off from work, before going to bed.

3. The first voice you want to hear in the morning and when you are having a bad day.

4. You love calling his name out loud. You even name the new teddy you bought after him.

5. You will always smile whenever he talks to you.

6. You always make stupid joke and he will laugh out loud nonetheless!

7. Whenever he is near, you'll get all flustered and your face went hot.

8. You joked about it but deep down you really like him...

9. You are awfully jealous whenever you see him with another girl

10. You care for him but you tried so hard no to show that you care for him...

11. You always think what he is thinking about...

12. You believe he is the most wonderful guy in the world,

13. You are worried you are not good enough for him.


12. and..you are smiling from ear to ear typing this (^^)

yuna-terukir di bintang (lirik)

CHANGE

“Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better” - King Whitney Jr.

Packing - Leaving - Missing - Remember YOU

Falling, Literally

If the expression of falling can be interpreted into visual art, mine would be something like this...or so.

Songs and Videos about Betrayal and Deceit

It hurts at first...but maybe we just love the way it hurts.

Happy Chinese New Year 2012

Wish you a merry new year and may the year of the water dragon be a prosperous year for all of us!

Songs and Videos about Dead Loved Ones.

Its painful when someone you love is no longer breathing the same air as you nor walk the same earth as you...and not in the same world you're in.

Letting go...

Its easier said than done...how many years had past, I still remember like it was just yesterday we first met...

Just Because!

Just because...
The numbers were perfect, it
doesn't make us less pathetic
But we are. Without you I am as dull
as a starless night...
To me you are my wish come true.

Dalam Hidup Ini...

Dalam dunia ada macam-macam jenis manusia
Ada yang tinggi, yang rendah, yang gemuk dan yang kurus

Dalam hati manusia ada macam-macam jenis perasaan
Ada yang iri, yang gembira, yang sedih dan yang kasih

Dalam hubungan antara manusia ada macam-macam jenis ikatan
Ada yang keluarga, yang sahabat, yang musuh dan yang kekasih

Tetapi dalam hidup ada satu yang tak akan berubah
Hubungan kita dengan Allah
Kalau kita ikhlas menyayangi-NYA, DIA akan menyayangi kita
Oleh itu, carilah orang yang ikhlas menyayangi kita.

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years (Official Music Video)

I don't mind waiting but must it be this painful?? A thousand year in and out, its ghastly morbid to love someone like this. It really puts commitment in a whole different level!

Cinta Hakiki

Cinta melangit
Rapuh di awan
Cinta seluas lautan
Karam ke dasar
Cinta hati
Bagai di kayangan
Cinta duniawi
Hanya sebentar
Carilah cinta dari Ilahi
Cinta suci dan hakiki.

TWELFTH DAY:

Happy New Year (~~) Yup, I survived yet another year! A big 3-oh, oh-no! Yup..ole edy...*sigh*