I Believe in True Love

"Guna hati, akal dan fikiranmu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku
Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu
Berbeza
Kau dan juga aku…" Meet uncle Hussein -Lagu Untukmu-

What do I really want from you? Was it really Love? But you’d made it clear, you’re not into love. You’ve just got out from a real bad end of a long relationship. Is that true? Or is it another excuse for you or its easier to say. If you’re not interested, why bother to call or message. You should let it ride and disappear. Is it because you’re lonely, as I am?

It’s true. I am lonely. I believe in true love because it helps to make life less cold. It gives me hope, knowing that there is someone out there loved me or can’t wait to love me. I’d tried to make use every opportunity to be out and about. Maybe, while I wasn’t looking someone will took notice of me and would appreciate my existence and maybe if he has a bit of guts to actually talk to me.

I don't know, how I know. There is such thing as true love. True love. Call me lame even stupid but I will hold on to that for the rest of my life. Come what may, but I won't budge or change because I know.. Love will conquer all! True Love does exist, it does!

Hey you. I’m tired of playing this nameless game. It’s enough for me to know that you’re not interested of love or commitment. I got it, it's not what you desire. I need stability, both physical and emotion. If you can’t provide me both, then I have to bail and let this one ride. I’m sorry if I had caused any form of confusion or heartache. At least you’re not a bit affected by it.

I'm not that daft, I know love can't cure famine or hunger and its always there. Where there is love, there will be war. Yes, I accept that! Therefore...I’m saying goodbye and thank you for the lesson. I really appreciate it.

I can name all the things in the world..but not the thing that is hollow, within me...

There are three words...
That I can give you...
And three other meanings
That I wanna do with you...
Three words...
these three words,
What I had wanted to say to you...

Love of Modality

IF Love have eyes
It is looking

IF Love have hands
It is hugging

If Love have legs
It is dancing

Wherever you go
Love will follow

Whatever you do
Love is there with you

Love can be Mental
but it can be unconditional
and yet very sensational!

DEPRESSION

It feels like staring in the dark. You can't see anything. You don't know where to start. You don't know what to focus on. You can feel the walls around you moving in and growing. Suddenly. You have been swallowed whole. Surrounded in a total eclipse. Slowly you merged with the void, inside out. You tried to fight it but there's nowhere to run, nowhere to go. You know you can't escape because you're in it. You won't give up, so you scream and scream hoping someone could hear you. No one came, no one hear you and no one care.

"Help me! Please! Somebody, anybody! Please, help me! Help me!" your hope is running thin. The only thing you hang on to, is a breaking, thinning old piece of rope of hope. You keep shouting your life away, for help. A soft cynical voice within your head whispered in your ears and straight to your heart that no one cares. No one ever did. The people are deaf and blind, therefore they are meaningless as you're meaningless to them.

Its black. It's pitch black. You can't see nothing, not even your own self. You're looking for your hands, maybe you can reach out and find a way to climb out by yourself. You can feel them but you can't see them. It's like they are there but at the same time they are not there almost nonexistent. You started to doubt them, but you want to be free. You know they are there! You can feel, you can feel. They're hiding, yes, they are hiding from you. It's so dark down here, so cold. Why won't they reveal themselves to me?

You started to cry, so you thought you are crying. Because you can feel the tears running down your eyes, warm and wet tears. Your chest starts to feel heavy and heavier, you can't breathe. You forgot. You forgot how you used to be like. You tried to remember, but you can't. You can't or you won't.

You tried to walk, maybe slowly you will find a path or a glimpse of light. You took the first step and you fall. You're falling. You can feel your heart took a leap and pumping twice over. You don't know what to do, so you tried to enjoy the fall. Since it takes you a while to know where will you end up. Ending up dead is better than your current situation now. You can feel the harsh cold stabbing breeze slashing through your body and soul. Its seem to be never ending. Stop!

Why did you take that fall? Why? You didn't know you were going to fall, did you? But you did. There's still a spec of hope within you. You're still waiting for that hand. Not to reach out but maybe to catch you. You're waiting for that loving, compassionate hand to catch you as you're falling to your doom.

Those hands will keep you warm and secured. Loved and pampered. You will hold on to that hand and never let go. they will pluck you out from this horrid nightmare and put you in the light. You will smile again! You will! The same hand that will hold you up and never let you fall again. The hand that will take you to places away from the darkness of your own heart and others. Where could those hands be.. where?

MATAHATI

Andai mata bertentang mata
Andai hati mula berbisik kata
Alangkah indah hidup tanpa bicara
Kerna jiwa menyelami semuanya

Andai nafas pandai bercitra
Andai jantung bisa bersenda
Alangkah damainya hidup tanpa sandiwara
Kerna dirimu dan cinta adalah sama

Andai aku si teruna
Inginku sunting si bunga dara
Alangkah bahagia kisah cinta kita
Kiranya kau milikku 'tuk selamanya

SEEKOR CAMAR PUTIH

Aku seekor camar putih
Lihatlah aku pemerintah angkasa
Bertakhta di langit
Beranjang di bumi
Ratu laksana di singgahsana
Hebatnya aku tiada tandingan
Aku hanyalah aku tiada gantian

Namun...Aku
Tiada siapa yang tahu
Sejarah hidup di pohon rendang
Hala tujuan di balik awan
Pagi malam diawang-awangan

Aku seekor camar putih
Andai layang-layang sesat
terputus tali
Andai aku yang patah sayap menempah mati
Hidupku dan matiku kini
Dilangit dan dibumi pasti
Andai nafas dan jantung setia di dunia
Andai itulah aku masih ratu di udara.

Won Me Over

I want to shift
But my mind is centered
The door is in front of me
I stood still, petrified, cold feet
I was screaming, so I thought
I was not, my mouth is tight, shut
I see the lights
I bit back cause I can't feel it
I can see the path
But I ran away, the opposite way
I can sense your touch
But I hunger for something greater
you were always there waiting
I'm always there pushing
You want me
I hated you
You want me
I needed you
You want me
I guess I wanted you to
You still want me.

Hand Me Down Love

Being second choice suck! Being compared and lost to looks, suck! Knowing you have the best personality, suck even more! People tell me that I’m not doing much effort. People tell me I am sabotaging my own happiness and a chance of a beautiful relationship (err…) but who am I kidding, I know my place and my confidence is limited. But, yes I do want to love and to be loved, like you? It’s not hard being someone’s precious that worth having and parading around town. But it’s hard to find someone who will be that someone. People play nice. I notice you cringed before me, and took cover when I’m looking. I can hear soft snickering behind my back and whispers of mean jokes of my looks. The way you scoffed and giving off your undisguised disgusted looks. People, what did I do wrong? What do I have to do to tell you that I’m worthy of every love and affection? People, won’t you let me have that chance?

People I want you to know that I am not that kind of a girl that offer sex just because she wants to feel pretty and wanted. I’m not that kind of girl, desperate for a guy’s affection and undivided attention. I’m not that kind of girl who gets her means by whining and sulking, but, I can only imagine how it will feel. Maybe I will learn to like it. Maybe I won’t even act that way, far from doing it. Maybe I will be like someone who is really in LOVE and sincerely passionate. People, I’m not that kind of girl who forces and play mean (well not always). People, I am nice so play nice. I am straightforward, when you say you’re not interested I’ll back off. No returned calls or messages means you are not into me and I’ll move on. When you shut off, well I make myself scarce and stay away from your track. That’s me; I won’t do things that you are not willing to do. It’s not ego, I just know you’re not interested. So there you go, I’d said it!

People, I got it now. It’s not about the looks. It’s not about personality. It’s all about choice and I’ll never be that first choice. We have options and sometime our options range in masses. I might be against 3 million other choices for all know. I get that now, people. But let me tell you this, I will love whoever and whomever. It might be you, him or them. But, never will I hope for a chance because hoping is a disease where it will become and effectuation, and then slowly it will become something else (I’m not sure what yet).

People, I don’t know whether this is the right thing to do, to stop hoping altogether. I’ll get back to you on that matter later.
People, please agree. Love is a subjective matter and we know subjective means personal. Example: I will say I like this kind of guy and turns out in love with a whole different guy. People, we fall in different categories, being in the same categories is a bore. Being opposites spells competition. Being somewhat and slightly same different is an odd of 1:100,000++. So when I say I know what I am looking for actually spells I am scared and clueless. There you go my answer. Am I too subjective or too frank? I am scared! Being like-love-lied to-hurt-dump and the scariest of all is hanging in limbo…when obviously you are unwanted! So! People, don’t trash me but teach me and please be nice to me.

I'm your little girl after all (con't of I'm not you Little girl anymore!)

I'm your little girl after all. I love you for who you are and thank you for being there for me. I'm a grown woman now who is searching for herself and looking for love. I tried to be independent once in a while (but we know the truth), each time I'll will run back to you without fail. No matter how hard life had been, you will and still spare a thought for me because I am your flesh and blood. Especially, when my cash is low and the pressure is high, you kinda know that I'm stuck in the slumped. You are always there to reach out, raise me up and put me back on my feet. I have to confess I hate your lectures and the bitter truth hurts but it is the truth. Life was never easy for you and you told me it won't be easy for me too. Nevertheless, you tried, Oh, how hard you tried to make it easier and better for me.

Sometime, I wish that I don't have to rely on you and make my own decisions. Sometime I feel like running back to you and hope you will take me back despite all the things I had done. Sometime, I wish I could throw tantrums all day and cry like a baby, Shout and yell at you for all the wrong reasons and for the things you didn't do. Even so, you love me the same and no less. Sometime, I wish I am the same little girl you used to put on your shoulder during national parade, the one you feed rice and fried egg, the one you pat off to sleep. I missed that same hand more when there's no one to hit me when I misbehaved or off track. The hand that taught humility, discipline and between right and wrong.

You always wondered if there's someone special in my heart. Well there are few guys in and out of my life. You want me to find love and you want me to be happy. To the point when, you told me that nothing beats education and self respect, I agree. The moment you told me love hurts and I got to know it better when I'd surrendered my heart. I wish I was the same kid who told you about those bullies. You came to school to report it to the principal and they were punished for that. Thank you. I wish you could do that to all the guys who had broke my heart.

I amaze how you always perform the best on your part of a deal, meanwhile, I am still reasoning and bargaining for an easy way out. I know you don't mind, all you want is for me to be happy. You know you won't live long so you want me to have better jobs and life so you can go in peace. I don't know if that day come I can let you go, because I know I can't. Because, I'm not that strong. I Don't know how you did it, but I can imagine how hard it was to be happy and plus, to make us happy.

Please don't leave, although, there's time I wish you were never exist. Please don't stop loving me, although there's time I shouted at you that I hate you most. I don't mean it, I really don't. Don't leave me, because there's nobody else who can love me like you. Nobody, know me best than you. I am your flesh and blood. You know me inside out. You gave me my life. You are my life. Thank you mom and dad. I am forever indebted to you.

10 Foods for Better Skin:

1. Avocados:
- Rich in essential oils and B-complex vitamins
- Nourish your skin, inside and out.
- Contain Niacin (vitamin B3)
- As an anti-inflammatory, soothes irritated skin and calms red, blotchy skin.

2. Mangoes:
- 80% of your daily requirements for vitamin A
- Help maintains and repairs skin cells
- Against skin premature aging.

3. Almonds:
- 150% of your daily requirements for vitamin E
- Moisturize dry skin
- Against skin damage and premature aging of facial tissue.

4. Cottage Cheese:
- Contain selenium as an essential mineral
- Form a formidable free radical-fighting antioxidant duo with.
- Plus it fights against skin cancer and DANDRUFF.

5. Acerola Cherries:
- Supply your 100% daily need for Vitamin C
- Fights skin damage and WRINKLES
- Important for collagen reproduction and structural protein in our skin!

6. Oysters:
- Not just an aphrodisiac
- Zinc contents help reproduction of Sebum
- Helps to clear up ACNE
- Helps to boost elastin (the skin’s elastic protein).

7. Baked Potatoes:
- Supplies 75% of your daily need copper
- Works best with vitamin C and zinc to produce elastin fiber that support
skin structure.

8. Mushrooms:
- Rich source of Riboflavin (Vitamin B2) and B vitamin.
- Involved in tissue maintenance and repair.
- Improved skin BLEMISHES
- Crucial for skin repair especially after sustaining Burn, Wound or
undergoing Surgery.

9. Flaxseed Oil:
- Contains Omega-3
- Hydrate the skin
- Dilute sebum and UNCLOG PORES.

10. Wheat Germ:
- Is a good source of Biotin, a B vitamin that is crucial to skin health
- Biotin helps to avoid dermatitis, characterized by itchy, scaly skin.

Your 51 Questions' Answered! HAH! In yer face!

1. What are your plans for tomorrow?

To be better than yesterday.

2. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black

3. How long is your hair?

Shoulder length

4. Last movie you watched?

21

5. Last thing you ate?

Peanut Butter Cup

6. Last thing you drank?

Lukewarm water

7. Where did you sleep last night?

On my own bed! fuh...

8. Are you happy right now?

YES

9. What did you say last?

Finally

10. Where is your phone?

A hand reach away.

11. What color are your eyes?

Dark Brown

12. When was the last time you had your heart broken?

Never been broken

13. Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?

Bad hygiene especially B.O.

14. What are you listening to right now?

Muse - Time Is Running Out

15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?

CASH

16. What is your Favorite Store?

Dorothy Perkins and Forever 21

17. Who makes you happiest right now?

CASH

18. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?

RUM

19. When is your birthday?

17 Oct

20. Who was the last person to send you a text message?

Hotlink

21. When is the last time you were in a swimming pool?

OMG! er...1 dunno how to swim, maybe somewhere around January??

22. Where was the last place you went shopping?

Guess

23. How do you feel about your hair right now?

Chic and Sleek

24. Do you have expensive Jewelery?

Nope, I'm not that materialistic XD

25. Where does most of your family live?

Surprisingly... they don't stay at one place at a time.

26. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?

I have other siblings

27. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?

Urgh... I don't wanna go to work today

28. Do you drink beer?

No, I don't

29. Friendster or Myspace?

Facebook

30. Do you have T-Mobile?

No

31. What was your favorite subject in school?

English Language

32. Do you have any talents?

Acting and dressing up

33. Have you ever been in a wedding?

As in getting married? No, Being a part of a wedding (Bridesmaid etc.) No, Gone to wedding...yeah, a lot too

34. Did you take a nap today?

Not yet

35. Ever met someone famous?



36. Do you want to be famous one day?

Nah..

37. Are you multitasking right now?

Yes

38. Could you handle being in the army?

NO

39. Do you believe in Karma ?

Yes

40. What color are your nails right now?

natural

41. What was the highlight of your week?

Wedding make-over for a friend

42. Ever been to another continent?

Not yet

43. Ever been to Las Vegas?

Not yet

44. Have you ever been gambling?

Yes

45. When is the last time you updated your blog?

Last week

46. Have you been to New York City?

Not yet

47. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?

Aang The last Air Bender

48. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?

Snap a nude picture of myself!

49. Last time you were sick?

Last month

50. Do you like anyone right now?

Still reconsidering

51. Do you think anyone will repost this?

Probably

I'm not your little girl anymore!

Its MY LIFE...I will live it the way I want! I will do whatever I want with it. You can suggest, you can tell me what to do or not to do. You can give me your opinion but it doesn't give you the power to decide for me.

What gave you the idea that I am okay with it. Why did you do that to me? First, you didn't DISCUSS it with me. Suddenly you decided to call and tell me all about it. Then, you expect me to do it. I am not stupid! I can think for myself and decide for myself. I always go to you for an opinion and decision making. Most of the time I agreed and followed your advice, because you know what is best for me. I wouldn't go to anyone else but you.

That makes you special, but that doesn't make you can rule over me. Make decisions for me, just because you know me better. Well, thank you! I really appreciate it but there's thing you overlooked. I'm an adult now! I've my own goals and dreams. I've an idea of how my live should be.

Why don't you get it? I thought you should know by now that I want to live my own world. I'd kept away for all those years, so you'd know I'm different now! Why is it so hard to understand? I'm not the little kid you can order me around anymore. The shy, naive and timid girl you used to know. I'm your child but I'm also and adult.

You used to dress me up like boys, you put me in schools that I hate and became a loner, you keep telling me that I am fat. When something bad happened you told me it was GOD's doings, He is punishing me. I don't hate you, and I do feel forever indebted to you.

I need my space, it's not my intention to keep away from you. But YOU drove me away! I have to put borders between us, so I can breathe and be myself. I'm sorry that you can't understand or won't understand. I can be like my brother and sister but I'm not them. I'm Sorry, I'm not playing this childish games anymore!

YOU

I want to be your everything. Everything. I don't give a damn about the world other than to be your everything. Because you fucking mean everything to me.

I want to be your everything. Everything. I'll be H2O that pouring hard and wet all over you. I'll be the Sun that heats you up like a hotdog.

I want to be your everything. Everything. I'll be R34 Nissan Skyline GT-R Nür that you rode 300km/h into the horizon. I'll be that sport and you can score big time with no penalties. I'll be that kuey tiow kerang you never seem to stop eating, savoury, saucy and mouth watering.

I want to be your everything. Everything. I'll be your shirt, to dress you and undressing you. I'll be your pillow to sleep on and to cry on. I'll be your work that you can't seem to stop working on and spend most of your time with. I'll be your coffee that keeps you awake all through the night.

I want to be your everything. Everything. I'll be your heart that will keep beating even when you are dead, I'll keep beating and breathing. Because you fucking meant everything to me. Everything.

Untitled

"A guy just dumped me...shit! I hate when that happen...sigh..."

You, took my heart away
You, crushed it on mid-may

Me, what lies can I say
Me, Who dreams on by the day

Love, you feared to try
Love, it was your lie

Sorry, forgive me please
Sorry, you never loved me even the least

My first poem....sigh...("'~_~)

"It's my first poem...well, it rhyme badly and a bit immature...considering I was 18 at the time."

Unfulfill Dream...

It was nothing...
not worth seeking
Only pain its bring
Left me dying

The waiting
The linggering
The wanting
that he could stop the aching

Not stupid, I'm not denying
A bit selfish and hoping
I knew, he was cold
Like an iceberg from northpole

Love with him...I did
Love me back??
Is there a need to plead
from stopping this heart to bleed

slowly..I realized
It wasn't him
As the Sun faithfully rises
He was just a mere daydream...

"Life As A House"

"Life As A House" a warm hearted movie directed by Irwin Winkler, Starring Kevin Kline, Kristin Scott Thomas and Hayden Christensen. Its about family, love and a house. I like this piece from Kevin's dialogue in his dying moment with the wife played by Kirstin.

"Absolutely, there's not a doubt in my mind, though all my anger, my ego, I was always faithful in my love for you that I made you doubt it that is the biggest mistake of a life full of mistakes. The truth doesn't set us free, I can tell you I love you as many time as you can stand to hear it and all that does, the only thing is reminding us love is not enough not even close."

That is so true, I'm a sucker for this movie! sob sob..should I say more...

Introduction: I AM NEITHER

I'm not a poet...but I dare to say that I am. I don't know how to rhyme and I envy those who can. A friend told me once, if you can't rhyme then don't. But you can write, so write! give it colors and some emotions. Lets say, if today the world gives you a shit, then talk about shit. If today the world gives you a rainbow then talk about it. Let the world hear what you have to say, let it know how you feel even if anonymously... Don't keep things to yourself but share it and you will be surprise that there is someone out there who cares.

I'm giving it a shot, although I'm not much of a writer as well. Nevertheless, it won't hurt to try and it's free! :)