25.12.09

The Pumpkin Soup


I was a simple girl who lived in a shabby shack. The roof leaked every time it rain , the walls were thin and the floor, well, there was no flooring to begin with. Nevertheless, it was a good shelter still. No complaint. I was poor and alone, couldn't asked for more than that to be grateful for what I had. Until the fateful night came...

The night the moon shining high in the sky and floating gracefully amidst the star. It was a peaceful night, I was sleeping quite intently whence suddenly a distinct noise roused me. It was coming from the outside so I took a peek on the hole in the wall. I saw a shadow of a figure trotting on the ground. Assuming from the silhouette 'it' had a long fluffy tail. It was clumsy, it wobbled and tripped few times as it crept closer to the shack. A panic alarm went off ringing in my mental ear! I sprung up off the bed and quickly grabbed *something like a candle and it was. Lit it up and standing in a fighting stance! I can't quit shuddering at the thought of a monster on the loose. The rumors had been going on for weeks! Live stock was found mutilated in every gruesome way! Although, no human casualty been reported YET. I was in a danger situation, the unwelcome creature knew it as it blocked the doorway on all four ready to pounce me! Behind the moon, its shadow grew bigger and sinister like. It was intense....

A fox?! I was dumbfounded and the only thing came to mind was do they eat human? I panicked because I don't know. Obviously, I survived and the unidentified master became a house guest! 'It' can talk quite profusely(*only in this tale). It has a given name as Hillary and it is very well mannered. The fox-Hillary seemed really exhausted, the human had been trying to catch it! She asked to spend the night in the shack for she has nowhere else to go. I wasn't going to agree at first but she was tired and rather desperate that I obliged. The next first dawn, I was shocked to find Hillary and another two 'mini-Hillaries'. It seemed that the reason for her exhaustion and desperation was due to her condition to labour. The fox Hillary must had given birth to her pups while I was sleeping. She was quickly to apologize for the mess she made and my fear only increased when an idea of two extra mouth to feed! Hillary quickly promised me that fox eat meats but not of human flesh but field mouse and wild rabbits. However, I still doubt her because everyone know what happened to Red Riding Hood (*obviously got confused between a wolf and a fox). I told her I trusted her if only she told me earlier of her situation!

Week went by, the cubs grew up into strong handsome foxes. I enjoyed their company, It can be quite lonesome staying alone on the edge of the village. They are my only friends I could talk to. I was really grateful to Hillary, she taught me a lot of things! She taught me how to speak better, the general knowledge tht all human needs to know and how to write(*laugh). I'd even became attached to the pups, I am their godmother. One day, Hillary and the pups decided to move out. It was a sad day for both parties. I couldn't bear to separate with them, life had been hard but its only natural for them wild things to be free. I asked them to come visit me sometime and they promise they will. Before they left, Hillary gave me some Pumpkin seeds and she told me they were magical. The pups told me that one day I will be taken care of like a queen. They thanked me me for all the things I had done for them and She and it had been my greatest pleasure to be of any help to them. I planted those pumpkin seed, its not much but at least I'll be getting pumpkins from time to time!

After a week, the old shack was covered by Pumpkin's vines. Like magic, it twirled in multifolds around like a wrapping. Suddenly, I felt like Cinderella, anytime now a pumpkin will pops out and turn into a carriage and whisked me off to a better place! I wished I was! Cinderella had a Fairy Godmother and I have a single Pumpkin. As the pumpkin turned yellow I decided to harvest it. Disappointed that nothing magical happened(*Expecting a fairy god mother to pops out of the blue or gold spilling out..) exasperated, I tried to make some pumpkin soup instead. It was a beautiful golden day and to enjoy the early autumn I decided to cook outdoors.

Suddenly, I saw Hillary and her pups running towards the house. They did come to visit! Hooray! However, they seemed more of terrified than elated as I was. They yelled 'hunters' and hurried inside the shack. Blood drained from my face, the thought of hunters killing my only friends only made me more nervous! I ran and slammed the door shut, hopefully their scent was not caught by the blood hounds! Not long after, men on horses galloped their way towards us. There were keen on their faces and determination. They were not ordinary hunters or this was any ordinary sports. It was a royal event for the princes' becoming of man. They were looking for Fox Blood...

Between The leader Prince (6'5") and a little peasant girl (5'2") its nothing more than between a powerful landlord and his lowly servant. I bowed down before a man that look more magnified than the rest. I showed him respect and loyalty. He wanted to ask but it came out as a demand if I had saw a fox. I told him, I saw one not long ago and lied to him next that it went away to another direction. I felt bad for lying that I couldn't stop myself from telling him whether I saw earlier on was truly a fox. I can't quit mumbling on that I may be mistaken and my memory may not be any good with me being outside in the cold. Even my eyes might be playing tricks on me. The Prince concluded that I was an annoying fool with not much of education. However, he surprised me by laughing it off with his deep throaty manly laugh. He wouldn't believe me as for seriously not knowing what a fox looks like(*for a person who earlier on confused between a fox and a wolf, well of course I already knew). He can't quit chuckling and before I thought he was about to leave he asked politely if he could look around in the shack. I was dumbfounded, before I could reply I saw three men dismount and went into the shack. Meanwhile, in another corner of my eyes I saw Hillary and the cubs moving slowly under the cover of the vines. The vines helped to cover their scent. They got to escape and they are truly smart. It was interesting to see that none of the convoys realized that the foxes are running away right under their noses. It was a great sight to behold. After a thorough check and a nonchalant reaction from the prince he told me I am truly the most rueful girl he had ever come across with. He find it both amusing and interesting. I was honored by his honest comment and took it as a compliment. Again, it made him laughed to see how simple minded I can really be, its refreshing. Before he went away he told me he had never laughed as much as today and asked me what I was cooking, which smell quiet delicious. I simply told him it was Pumpkin Soup. Knowing that, the Prince and his stewards galloped away to the false direction. Once they were out of sight I saw a glimpse of my soul flew away. Hillary came back and told me they were hiding in the woods for now where it is save. They bid their final farewell and they wish me many happy tidings ahead. I smiled and cried at the same time. I told her there's nothing more that I want than meeting them again and to eat this wonderful Pumpkin Soup for supper today (*missed breakfast and lunch, super hungry). We thanked each other and that was the last time I ever saw her again.

It was sunset, when the soup finally ready. I was about to enjoy my Pumpkin Soup when suddenly those familiar galloping hooves on the ground made my heart rendered a faster beat, a little too fast. I feared that the prince knew I was lying. The Prince and his convoys were in a foul mood, They wore it on their solemn face. The Prince's voice boomed through the air as he called out "Peasant girl! You are clearly stupid, aren't you!" made my knee went weak and quickly bowed my head closer to the ground and agreed to whatever he was saying. At that moment my only wished was to be spared so I can eat this lovely pumpkin soup! This foolish trickery of mine would've cost me my head and its not much of a head if I had been any cleverer with my ploy. Nevertheless, the prince didn't kill me because the aroma of the pumpkin soup saved me! They were obviously famish after a long chase! He demanded for some Pumpkin Soup for himself and his men. Slowly, I raised my head and for the first time looking directly at his face and into his eyes. He was really really good looking (*It was not good as my heart beat increased in a brink of bursting a vein). They were bunch of hungry men, I served the Prince first and then to the rest. Hunting down a fox under false information must be tiring and I was responsible for it. Due to guilt I served them all of the Pumpkin Soup, till the last drop. As long as they don't find out the earlier folly I put them into. They enjoyed the soup tremendously and left none for the giver, well I guess that was punishment enough. It was better than going to the gallows.

The Prince was most satisfied with the most excellent Pumpkin Soup he had ever tasted in his entire life (*hohoho I couldn't say it better myself). At first, I thought he was going to appoint me as the Royal Chef in the Palace instead, he took me as his bride for I am the most delightful girl he had ever met (*Like, oh yeah!). It was like I was the greatest catch of the day. I guess he could never guessed that the Pumpkin he liked was given by the only thing he pursued! He didn't get what he wanted but got something better instead! and I was the one who fooled him of the escaped fox. Nevertheless, no harm done and I received my fate as a Queen. Although, I really did want some of that delicious Pumpkin Soup even dear husband is kept asking for it time and again. The End.

4.12.09

It's all you babe!


YOU… it’s you! Yes you!
Stop giving me ideas
Stop planning, stop talking
And stop screaming
I’m not fucking listening
Anymore, not ever to you
Stop your reasoning
Stop scheming this, that and quit forcing
I’m not a kid anymore, not the same to you
Stop feeding me facts, figures and myths
Stop saying hopeless like a single syllable
I don’t care anymore, I’m not responsible
Stop talking GOD if you’re going profane
Stop living if you hate dying
I have no business with you, not your company
You! Yeah you…
Stop living if you think you are going to fail
Stop living if you won’t let go of the past
Stop living if you don’t move on
Stop immortalizing yourself, because you are dying.

You! Yeah that is you...

6.11.09

Careless Heart

Silently
A pool of crimson tide
Flows through the night
A pair of very pale limbs
clutching life with enough might

A pair of watchful eyes did not see
too careless to notice
tight up, excuse of a hold up
Preoccupied no time to catch up

Silently
The brain process nothing
heart palpitations and lungs colapsing
Water forms rapidly and blurred visions
Darkness swell and overtook compassion

Silently
Something got broken
It was left in the open
Unguarded and beaten
It was bludgeoned
crushed, mushed until left none...

A single mouth compose such pretty words
Pretty words worth nothing lacks of heart
A broken heart spells hurt
Excuses, Lies and Stood me up. It hurts.

"An Old poem as well, 2nd year kot..!"

An Elegy to Allahyarham Musfirah

He was sort of a friend
Whom I know oft not
We had our brief encounter
Decided then, we remain as confidant
He was a friendly young man
Full of youth, goofy and wellknown
Everyone agreed he was our Joker
He was a thoughful prankster
I always thought him as a nuisance
Never get the urge and chance to know him better
14th November he left us all behind
A passing no one see it coming
He was taken and forever gone
A life cut short before meet its full term
I was told he was in a car accident
No one really knew what had happen
People I knew missed him
Most of all, those who were close to him
He is alive in our memories and my mind
A dear friend and a fellow student of Ben
I hope he was not in much pain
Pray God gave him atonement
I'm sure he is meant with them in Heaven
and one day we shall meet again
let us take this moment
For our young demised friend
May God bless him
To Musfirah a friend, a fellow student and a family member of BEN.
Al-Fatihah...


"I think I wrote this somwhere in my 2nd year or 3rd year at main campus. It's for a friend I know back In Matric UIA, PJ and express my sadness of his passing through this elegy. kinda amaturish but enjoy and please sedeqah al-Fatihah after finish reading this, thank you."

Behind Closed Doors

Behind every closed doors
There's light
Locked out in darkness offshore
Tugging a line with full might

Behind those masked you wore
They're characters
Hidden, open and some unsure
They're lost in tides of fear and anger

You faced hardship before ease
You lived sadly and laughed happily
They said you have to Remember
then you will find peace
Remember, He is Most Knowingly
Forsake Him and you'll be lost with no anchor.

"It's an old poem I wrote during my 3rd year in UIA. It has the same tone but gave it some "facelift"! :)"

22.10.09

No. 786

Terbaring, terlantar diam
Tak mampu dan tak mahu
Senyap aku, termangu
Dari siang hingga ke malam, kaku

Aku sepi, bersendirian
Hati sebak, merah mata
Menangis, berduka bukan sebab terluka
Tiba malam melolong macam orang gila

Katamu aku disaka
Kata mereka aku diberi bala
Kata ‘ia’ cinta itu memang buta
Aku tak mahu dilaknati oleh-NYA.

Rohku diawang-awangan, ibadatku lalai
Sedar aku, rupanya sedang bermimpi
Aku ke sudut itu, sujudku sendiri
Ku lafaz janji baru pada-MU yang satu dan hakiki

Aku milik-MU Tuhan
Jangan biarkan ‘ia’ menghantuiku
Tujuh kehidupan, tujuh keturunan menyekutukan-MU
Bebaskanlah. Lindungilah. Ampunkahlah kami yang kufur…

18.10.09

TOP 5: Animated Style!


1. Pinafore and pony tails!
















2. Puff Sleeves and Sneakers!
















3. Scarf and Spendex!
















4. Short Skirts and Knee High Boots!
















5. Frames, Vest and White Socks!

How to Feed Your 1 Year Old: Lucky 7 tips for newbies!

Disclaimer:
Feeding time should be fun, which includes bath time and nap time! In my agony, I mean "research" of finding the best way to feed A KID of one year old and more there are always these tips to be considered! Although, it is advisable to seek better advises from professionals and responsible individuals rather than using any of my crazy ideas! You are again warned and reminded to use it with caution and I will not be countable to any misdoing or mistreating of an infant, child or babies of such and such! FYI, no infant, child nor babies were harm during the ongoing of this "research"!

1. Sun Tze: Attack while they're least expected!
Kids are easily distracted! Training them to say “Aaah” is the best way to open their mouth and quickly shove the food in! Make it like a game and they are more than happy to oblige!
Poet: When I say "Ahhh!!!" they go "Ahhh.." Once the food is in the trap, seconds later ends up on my face spits and all.. NEXT!

2. Feeding Loves Company.
Try feeding more than one kid, definitely will kickstart their appetite! Kids like competition and of course attention! Again it's like a game to them, who ate the most or get better applauses from their over eager enthusiast auntie (ME)!
Poet: Yeah, you need to get ready for the 2x mess they made too..NEXT!

3. The Grass is Greener on The Other Side:
Kids are forever curious of what you are eating, wearing or doing and even talking. They absorb whatever your actions are, the sounds you made and things you own! Eating is just a small part of their interest! Because they know grown-ups always gets to eat the good stuff! Eat their food and let them think they are eating your food! Smart ey!
Poet: Yeah...baby food for a month! My taste buds are falling asleep but its good enough for my diet plan! AHA! NEXT!

4. Enforcement is Motivation!
Notice that hungry kids will always come back to you for seconds, but for those who just don’t want to eat you have to tackle them and keep ‘em down! Well, it desn't look as bad as it sound. So, chase them and put that food in their tummy, Mummies!
Poet: It’s kinda barbaric but food is vital to keep their mood in check. Hungry kids are restless, meaning they won’t make nap time and bath time a cheerful experience either!

5. who’s the BOSS?
Give them food and a spoon, let ‘em think they’re in charge and while you’re at it shove in some food in their mouth with your fingers!
Poet: Is it me? I have this weird feeling that they are turning Hannibal! They won’t chew on food but rather find it addictive to bite my hands...Yeah... bite the hands that feed ya! NEXT!

6. “Good things happen when you least expected it…”
Let ‘em play with the food. Eventually, it will end up somewhere! If not all over the place, hopefully in their tummy!
Poet: It will get messy so make sure you spread out those washable sheets, plastic mat or whatever you have to minimize the cleanup! Oh yeah, be prepared to find food stuck in places you never knew it could get to! Hmm….NEXT!

7. Violence is never the answer but it surely taught you a thing or two! Strap them down and force the food in by using a syringe-minus the hypodermic needle. Blend everything into liquid base and slowly push the food down their throat!
Poet: If they are not eating right or not at all...you gotta see a pediatrician! The kid probably has mouth ulcers, sore throats or something more serious!


Attention: Before or during feeding time, DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY SWEET TREATS! NEVER!

17.10.09

Happy 27th Birthday!



"She was born on 17th October 1982. At 12am the universe cradle her in their bossom and promised her a pair of doting parents and long lasting friendship. Today, looking back on that date, 27 years ago. It worth the while and can't wait for more!"

12.10.09

Scented Panty Liner!


Scented Panty Liner! Whoever had thought of it, is a GEEENIUS or probably had a bad case of 'Vaginitis'! Oops! Anyhow it is a great invention still. My point is, I'd bought a box of scented panty liners by mistake. Don't blame me for mistaking between the two (unscented & scented). I didn't pay much attention to any finer print! Sigh... In shorts, Same packaging size and the same color scheme? Its pretty confusing, unless I'd picked up and sniff it first! Never-mind that after being ripped off few extra ringgit I find myself fixated over the whole idea of scented pads! The scent of Lavender, hmm-mmm it smells so fresh and so feminine! Every time I whiff a sniff I keep visioning a field of lavenders design to be shrunk and to fit in a single thin pad. "Deep inhale while holding the panty liner close to my nose" It may seem disgusting and almost perverted at times but it is really aroma therapeutic! "Imagining...Cute and Tiny lavender petals mounds underneath a soft silky covering and layered with comfy paddings!" Is CLEVER! Although its 'down there' I can still smell the perfume its exuding! The Best part is, it last for a whole day! Seriously! Other than keeping me dry and clean, of course. My personal liking to the idea is that the scent lingers on you and your panty like an insatiable lover. It practically hung to it and on me! I wanted to use the panty all over again on the next day (...) Anyway, I always have extra panty liners and I keep them scattered around in my bag. Every now and then I open my bag, a wonderful explosion of fresh lavender garden fills the air. They actually transform into PERFUMED PACKS. AWESOME! I even keep some in the drawers that everything starts to smell like panty liners! Scented panty liners, A GREAT INVENTION OF THE CENTURY!

25.8.09

The Matriarch

Aku dirompak sehari sebelum Ramadhan.

Aku habis kerja pukul 6 petang dan naik LRT semua, sampai rumah adalah dalam pukul 630 petang. Sampai-sampai rumah aku pelik dah. Kenapa pintu gril terbuka luas? Lepas tu pintu kayu pun sama? Aku mula rasa panik! "Aku lupa kunci pintu ke pagi tadi?" aku fikir sejenak "tak mungkin!" Aku bergegas masuk ke dalam. Aku nampak lampu bilik hidup. Aku ingat Ainul yang ada di dalam, mungkin dia mahu mengambil barang-barangnya yang tertinggal. Aku berfikir sejenak. "Tak mungkin, sebab Ainul dah pulangkan kunci minggu lepas." Aku mula risau. Aku jalan terus ke arah bilik Anne. Aku nampak beg Guess kegemarannya di atas bucu katil. Aku melepaskan nafas lega, rupa-rupanya Anne dah balik dulu. Aku dengan riangnya memanggil nama Anne sambil berjalan perlahan masuk ke bilik.

Aku terperanjat bila melihat keadaan biliknya yang kelam kabut. It hit me! Bilik Anne tak pernah bersepah. Tak mungkin. tadi pagi masa berbual dengan Anne, biliknya kemas dan rapi. Aku rasa seram sejuk. Aku mula takut, aku terus berlari ke bilik tidurku. Astaghfirullah! Bersepahnya! Baju yg terlipat rapi di dalam laci bertaburan di atas lantai. Almari baju Ainul terbuka luas. Aku panik giler! Aku mula rasa nak nangis, tiba-tiba aku teringat akan sesuatu. Aku sujud dan mencari sesuatu di bawah katil. Hilang! Sah kita sudah dirompak orang. SETAN! "Laptop aku!!!!!" Aku tahu, aku tak patut pegang apa-apa. Tapi aku panik, aku panik! Aku cuba ingat ape lagi barang-barang berharga yang mungkin di ambil pencuri sial itu! Aku buka laci baju pertama, sah gelang emas pemberian mak dah hilang. Sah kad kredit dalam wallet ini pun dah diambil. Aku menjerit sekuat hati!

Aku berjalan keluar ke ruang tamu, baru aku sedar keadaan di luar pun sama bersepah. Kenapa aku tak nampak tadi. Aku cuba menangis tapi tak dapat. Aku marah! Kenapa aku? Kenapa? Aku telefon Anne.
Aku: Anne kau kat mana?
Anne: Aku kat ofis lagi, kenapa?
Aku: Anne...rumah masuk pencuri...
Anne: Astaghfirullah..takpe takpe mij aku balik sekarang.
Aku: Laptop aku kena curi...
Anne: Takpe mij takpe, ini semua dugaan. Ini semua ujian. Aku balik sekarang.

Selepas gagal percubaan kali kedua untuk mengalirkan air mata aku berjalan lemah ke arah pintu. Aku cuba menyiasat bagaimana pencuri itu boleh memecah masuk. Rupa-rupanya, mangga yang telah dikunci dari dalam telah diumpil sehingga berderai isi perutnya. Pintu masuk rumah ditendang tanpa menggunakan banyak tenaga, sebab pintu ni memang dah 'loose'. Selepas hampir setengah jam Anne tak sampai aku pergi ke ofis management bawah. Aku membuat satu aduan tentang rumah kami yang telah dipecah masuk. Mereka menemani aku sehingga Anne sampai. terima Kasih. Sesampainya Anne ke rumah aku terus menangis. Dia menyuruh aku menelefon kredit kad center untuk 'block further transaction'. Operator yang bertugas dengan baik hatinya memberi informasi penting tentang pencuri sial itu. Dia sempat membuat satu transaction jam 5 petang di Petronas Ampang Permai 'estimation of RM200 worth'. Kami terus ke balai polis dan membuat aduan dan keterangan lanjut tentang ape yang terjadi.

Barang-barang kami yang telah diambil:
1) laptop Acer Aspire
2) seutas gelang emas
3) Kad Kredit (RM200)
4) Tabung Ayam (RM200 worth of syilings)
5) ZEN MP3 Player
6) seutas rantai emas
7) Sebentuk cincin berlian
8) a pair of diamond earing
9) seutas rantai silver
10) seutas gelang kaki silver
11) a box of Christion Dior make-up kit.
12) Dll yang tak pasti...

kerugian sebanyak: RM10,000.

16.8.09

Bad Hair Day

It was a BAD hair day, it was. So I decided, rather than fretting all day about it! I'll have fun, while it last!










The final product was a KILL! Somebody sue me! :P

27.7.09

Sarah dan Raksasa-raksasa Nyer!



Ini Sarah! She inspired me to doodle this! Hehehe You're cute and really foxy sometime ;D

26.7.09

I DO HAVE A PROBLEM

I have a problem. I'm eating disorderly. I binge on food. I’m too lazy for my own good and I’m a stinking woman who stayed in bed all week without showering! I am lonely, I'm not satisfied and it's unfair. It’s depressing.

I have a problem. I know some of it but can't identify the root of it all. I separate myself from misery but I ended up more unhappy. I feel dejected and unworthy. Solitary do me justice and I found peace.

I have a problem. I can't decide which is which. Should I say life chose me or I did I choose this kind of tragic mockery?

I have a problem. I am scared and lazy. I’d quit my job after two years brooding over it. Should something unexpected happen, I don't have any clue what to do. No backup plan whatsoever. Nothing. Just like another abandon old diary, hidden to be forgotten and building dust. Never written, never read and never discovered.

I have a problem and it is such a lie. I have great parents. Always there for me, guiding me to the good path, feeding me and giving me money I don't deserve and never fails. I have wonderful friends. Love to hang out, party hard with and protect me like sisters should. I have a great life. Easygoing, not much of drama, no complications and no restrictions.

I have a problem and I don't know what it is.

I SEE YOU



Looking at you looking at me..
Were you looking at me?
Looking deep, tentatively and slowly drifting off
try to reach out but further away you stray
Snap out of it! Notice me!
You and your Short spiky hair...
White shirt with blue tie
eyes of Silvery hue just like the sky...
In 25 minutes seeing you than to loose you..
25 minutes and you haven't notice.
I notice you and you didn't know this.

Six Sickening Months



6 Months
I'm Incomplete still
Tears and daze
Waiting still...
puzzled and stuck..you never come to realize
6 Months and not once...
Tears and daze
You never seem to complete me still
in 6 sickening Months

21.7.09

Initially..we are losers who are trying not to be a loser.

Initially I want to share everything that is going on in my life with you. I want to tell you every dirty detail. I want you to laugh with me, to cry with me even to be angry at me but most of all to know me. To know me better, a little bit better than from what you already knew. Yes! I can't stop. I ask a lot of questions because I want to know you. I want to be able to connect with you. Thus, trust you. I want to feel how you feel. I want to understand your anger and what bugs you. Most importantly, I want to be there for you.

You know I hate it when we are not talking much. I hate it when we SMS. I hate it when we meet it is only for a short while. I hate it when you just disappear. I hate it when you are so caught up in your work. You Are Tired. You Are Stressed Out. Time out! TLC? Should I take a rein check? Ok, stepping back! Slowly...

It's a fact I always feel sick when no one love me. I feel stupid When I’m not doing anything great. I feel used when I make people use me. Enough! I know I’m multi-talented but know this it's bunch of useless talents. I multitask and know this it’s degrading. I am people friendly and know this it’s annoying. I’m nice, too nice and know this it is disgusting. I inspire, I do? and know this I intend it to happen. Is it happening? No? Sigh...

I always thought that maybe, just maybe it would be a little bit different if I were a pretty young thing. Just maybe, I was right. I will never be your first choice but its better than none. You know I am a great person right? I am a great person. It irks you when I do this, right? This heart 'It' is always an issue and we avoid 'it' like a disease. You know, I want to say ‘it’ to you but I know I cannot because I know the feeling is not mutual and I’ll be more heart broken if I did. I guess I won’t be saying ‘it’.

We have no trouble talking physical. Yes I do want to get physical with you. I want to touch you places that gives you pleasure. I want to lie in bed with you all day long and let you explore to your heart content. I want to kiss you slowly in the rain, I want to stare deep into your eyes and swim! I want to make love to you again and again. Babe! You're the mouth and I'm the word all you have to do is say it! I’ll be on top if you asked me to. I’ll bend any way you want me to. I’ll go down as low as I can if you will do it too. You don’t have to tie me or cuff me because I’m not going anywhere. I understand the gesture but know this I’m on it if we are doing this together and I want it forever.

Initially, I want to wait for you but obviously you don’t want me to. I’m too hung up over you and I hate for letting myself so into you. I can’t fight the law of attraction love, opposite attracts. Should this suffocate you? Know this I'm in Hell too? I sound like a maniac (laugh). I don’t know why I’m so drawn to you. Do you have a clue? Babe! You’re not a loser! So am I! We are not losers, no we are not. To begin with and to end it I don’t want to lose you and you’re losing nothing.

19.7.09

13.7.09

Sedih Malam


Tanpa malam apalah siang, tanpa rindu apalah sayang..(mengarut dah ni lol)

'MAK"


I Love you MOM! You're My Friend and My Love.

10.7.09

Waiting for YOU

HE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU!


1. If he didn't call you.
2. If he doesn't want to go out with you.
3. If he doesn't want you to meet his friends or family.
4. If he doesn't want to marry you.
5. If he told you he just wanna be a friend!
6. If he told you he is not ready!
7. If he told you he is BUSY!
8. If he told you he just ended a bad relationship!
9. If he keeps talking about his ex-girlfriend!
10. If he keeps talking about his CAR!

You're not into him:
1. If you called him only when you're bored.
2. If he asked you out and you keep giving excuses.
3. You only go out with him to places your friends never go to.
4. You keep introducing him as a friend.
5. You deleted him from your YM, Facebook list and so on..
6. You don't pay attention to anything he said.
7. You keep checking sms from your girlfriends.
8. When you're out with him you hide when you saw a friend.
9. The thought of kissing him gross you out.
10. You always feel sick after talking or gone out with him.

9.7.09

It Hurts






Falling in love










No calls or messages












Waiting...for you











Sinking deeper, on my own.

3.6.09

Kisah Bosan


MY CREATIVITY RUNS WILD WHEN I'M BORED! AND MY ANSWER IS ALWAYS:

"Yeah! I'm THAT bored!"

21.5.09

S.L.E.E.P




Title: Chasing Cars
Artist/Band: Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world

14.5.09

Think before you act...


Always think! Always! Think! Before you do anything. Think of the best way or the easiest way. Think of the consequences and effects. Think of the environment and people around you. Think of the future. Always think! Always! Think!


I am a Dreamer...



I am Traditional...

17.4.09

Sorry No. 1

When MEN are SORRY, they tried to make it up with gifts! Flowers, Candies, Love Letters and ETC...

Sorry No. 2

When WOMEN are SORRY, they like to get physical with their apologies. Hugging and kissing!


Starting something new is challenging. It's a test of preservation and commitment...



But once you get the hang of it...It can be quite FUN!

Call me "IN LOVE"



It was a really boring Friday! So I doodle this using the computer Paint Program. Not bad eh! Wakakakaka

15.4.09

How To Advertise Yourself in an Online Dating Services Program

First of all, you got to have a cute Nickname...so you post off as lovable and trustworthy. You don't want to be known as Jerung123 or MysteryMistress. Its misleading and downright attracting all the wrong crowd! Did you notice some people actually opt for a more lewd nicks well that because they are aiming for the obvious. If you still don't get it, its all about sex and if you're really looking for that particular subject be responsible enough of the definite outcome.

Pick a Nick: HunnyBaby

Hmm...Its cute and juvenile. It is remotely common and boring. It might attracts pedophilia around and I'm sure you don't want to sound dumb or ditsy.

Pick a Nick: Smilling_Suria

Ok, that's cute enough. Very local, right? It's cheesy but it doesn't sound out too desperate. It has some sort of warmth to it and a friendly tone. I think we are good to go. However, we can do much better like adding a little bit more of spice to it!

Pick a Nick: Suria

I know, I know. It is simple and straight to the point. Although, it is your real name or nickname but it can be sexy at times or to some people. If you're looking for a long term relationship online, it would help to showcase your sincerity. Personally, I think those who used their real name have nothing to hide and open for an honest chat. take less for more...

Next...you need to have a slogan! I mean like a catch phrase! That catches his attention! Something funny, flirty in a good way and foreshadowing a great get together!

Well you can try: Bubbly Clumsy Girl likes stamps and daisies!

Haha.. this is really cute! It really showcase the humorous side of you but it can also spells immaturity and clingy side of you. Next...

What about this one: Single and looking. Well mannered and love reading books.

Hmm...this sound more like attending a job interview. You don't want to put him off to sleep, you want him to be on his feet and eager to get to know your interesting lifestyle. By the way, you might wanna lose well mannered because you started to remind me of my mom! Yikes!

This is ok: Single, outgoing and looking for love.

Oklah...It had been done before. I think play it safe would be ok. Any brazen might get him thinking you're ok with first date-one night stand thing. NO! Don't! I'm strictly not supporting that idea.

What about this: Happy with life, really outgoing and still available.

Sounds fair enough. Proactive, optimistic and wholesome! It may sound like a new vitality capsules product, but worry not. You might be surprised how it is just the thing some people would love to hear and get to know more off!

Then...comes in the picture! When you posting a picture of yourself make sure it captured the essence of your personality. Please do not post any of your passport size pictures. Unless you were smiling at the moment and not grimly looking.

1. Use an avatar, show off your creative side!


2. Don't be misleading! Used better angle and pixel to portray your best features!


3. If that the best you can do, so be it!


I think we are ready to go! Good luck! Remember, choosing the right words really play a major role. There's always something to be considered so you won't hurt anybody's feeling in the process. Which remind me, this entry is not an attempt of insulting or downsizing anybody's ego. If it was bruised or hurt, I'm sorry. Thank you for reading!

14.4.09

Don’t ask me if you’re fat (”~_~)

INTRO:One fine afternoon on a weekend, Her Man was resting on his favourite sofa reading his favourite sport magazine. Suddenly, His Woman comes in with a big frown on her face “uh-uh” thought Her Man. His woman march across the room towards the mirror and continued to inspect herself. Sweats started to ooze from Her Man’s forehead, silently talking to himself to “Think! Think! Damn it!”

Woman:
Honey, do I look fat? [Looking at her reflection on the mirror at full-length, by the side and at the back furiously in front of her man]

Man:
Nope. [After a quick glance and pretend to read something interesting from the magazine]

Woman:
Seriously…do I look fat? [Starting to get annoyed with him who is not even trying, to look at her with any care]

Man:
Nope. [Look at his woman straight in the eye. Trying h is best to look honest, hoping that the subject will past]

Woman:
I look fat, don’t I…look at me! [Spun around facing him with a bigger frown on her angry face]

Man:
[“Damn, she looks beautiful when she is mad!” he Cursed silently. He looked at her with a slow swept of caressing scrutiny. He was enjoying her body, every curves starting with her face, her chest. Next, her legs and finished at her toes. Surprisingly managed to speak out a controlled monotone voice] You don’t look fat, do I look fat?

Woman:
No you’re not but I … [Her man interrupts her half way]

Man:
[Thinking to himself “This is going to be fun…its pay back!”] Then why do you think you look fat …unless you think I look fat? Therefore, you see me as fat and thus thinking that you’re fat too! DO I LOOK FAT TO YOU? [Trying hard to act hurt and on the brink of becoming hysterical, thinking “did she buy it?” As he bites back the laughter, he manages to make his eyes glisten with a hint of tears about to roll…]

Woman:
What? [Feeling odd, thinking something is wrong but before she can figure it out, her man continues]

Man:
[Gasp! Pretend to have a mini series of attacks] You think I’m fat don’t you? It takes you that long to answer? [Acting more hysterical hope she will buy it this time around]

Woman:
No…it’s just that- [Feeling sorry for her man and angry with herself to hurt his feeling]

Man:
You think you’re fat just because I am fat! [He is having so much fun that he thinks he can get the hang of it “No wonder, woman love to overreact on small-small stuff, this is fun!” He wonders how the making up will be liked, with a big sinister grin in his head]

Woman:
Honey you’re not fat… [Trying hard to make things better and blaming herself. She didn’t know that it will hurt him more than her. “If only I didn’t bring the matter up on the first place! Damn it!” she regrets it, really regrets it.]

Man:
Y..your eye twitched, y..you think I’m FAT and…UGLY! [He threw away the magazine and stand on his feet with his eyes looking down on his supposedly engrossed body. He is enjoying every moment of it! Wondering what would be her next reaction…She looks really regretful though. This should teach her a lesson]

Woman:
Sweetheart…I don’t mean it- [She runs to him and hold his face between her warm palms. Her eyes staring straight into his. She has to stop all this, because she started it. It is just too painful to see him so vulnerable when in her heart he is the most perfect man in the whole wide world!]

Man:
[Looked away, Acting really hurt and betrayed] Finally you admitting it, how could you? [This would be his final charade; he could have won an Oscar for it, pretend to break down and went down on his knees. Releases few excruciating sobs, while his hands on his eyes and starting to rock his body back and forth]

Woman:
God, no… [Swiftly, she sat in front of him and hug him tight as she could. She wanted to give him all of her courage and strength. Her hand is caressing his face, his back and whisper soft loving words in his ears, trying to console him]

Man:
Why, do you think I’m stupid now? [He thought maybe for one last time, just enough for her to do more than just caressing, hugging and whispering soft tender words in his ears. Which, all of that gestures really turning him on but he needs more than that and she needs more reason than this to go all the way]

Woman:
[Slowly removing his hands from his eyes and look deep into those hurt, confused and teary eyes with nothing but love and affection. She wiped away the tears and sat on his lap. Put her right hand behind his head and another caressing his right hand. Slowly trailing kisses on his face... “He is calm now.”]

Man:
[He wanted more, this is just the beginning. Her kisses are sweet and feverish. He can feel his erection and a huge throbbing feeling within him, oh, how much he wants her now!]
Nope, you’re not getting away that easily- [she interrupts him before he could finish]

Woman:
[pulls back his hair with a little force. Exposing his neck and bite it. To shut him up. Then she kiss him full and hard on the lips, open mouthed, tongue and all. She whispered or more like moan on his mouth] Shut up and kiss me back… beautiful and you drive me crazy!

CONCLUSION:His woman slowly slips up his shirt over his body and off his hand, by the end of it both of them are all over each other’s bodies… fat or not.
The end.

I do! I do!



Love…what is love
First it was like…?
I’m watching you as you’re watching me, watching you watching me
I know what you know like what I know about you like you know about me
I want you like you want me like you want me to want you and I want you to want me
I love you like you love me and you love me to love you like I love you to love me
I…love

Love…what is love?
Then it was like…
We talk and talk all that talks that need to be talked and we talk seriously
We share and shared all that need to be shared and oh boy! We, shared seriously
We get use to use of being used and using things we used seriously
We…love

Love…what is love?
Now it’s like…
Never mind what love is…
If I do love you, I do and you know that I do because you do
If I can say it forever and ever, yes I love you and yes just you only you!
Love

Kisah Si Gadis dan Si Suara

Seorang gadis, cantik, ayu dan pendiam. Pagi-pagi dikejut oleh suatu suara yang menjengkelkan. Tak pernah-pernah dikejut sebegini awal, bengang. Bangun dengan lemah gemalai, melipat toto dan selimut. Menyusun bantal dan mengambil tuala untuk mandi. Erk! Sejuknyer...kenapelah rumah ni tak ade water heater! Bengang. Suara itu ada diruang tamu. Sedang menggosok baju. Selepas selesai mandi si gadis terus ke arah almari, geraknya lembut ala penari tersohor. Ke sejuk. Dia menyapu losyen keseluruh badan. Tiba-tiba rasa janggal, lalu masuk kedalam bilik si suara tersebut. Tak ape die tak kisah, dia paham. Selepas solat Subuh, gadis membawa baju yang ingin dipakai untuk digosok, si suara senyap. Rupanya sedang bersarapan Yogurt, Coco Crunch yang dibanjiri susu. Sedapnyer, laparlah plak. Si suara juga menyapu coklat nutella cair ke atas sekeping roti. Lah...buatlah untuk aku sekali. Si gadis, buat-buat sibuk. Sedang menggosok baju kurung dan tudung.

Sedang asyik mengelamun, si suara menghidupkan televisyen. TV3, Malaysia Hari Ini. Si gadis sambung menggosok adakalanya mencuri-curi lihat ke arah kaca TV. Si suara tiba-tiba berbicara. Mengenai buku cerita yang terletak di atas meja makan. Sambil bercakap, si gadis nampak Coco Crunch yg berbalik-balik di dalam mulut si suara. Hish.. tak ayu betul! Si suara mengatakan sesuatu, menimbulkan rasa tak puas hati. Si gadis berhenti menggosok dan merenung tajam ke arah si suara. Dengan lembut dan tidak meninggikan suara...berkata. Si suara membulatkan mata dan meninggikan suara. Nampak gaya bagai Coco Crunch akan melompat keluar dari mulutnya. Dia meninggikan suara ala-ala diserang sakit jantung. Si gadis ayu, menegur dengan baik. Si suara bingkas bangun dan menghilangkan diri ke bilik. Hish...sambung makan dalam bilik, tak senonoh betul.

Si suara menutup pintu dan berdiam diri. Perasaan si gadis terguris. Mukanya mula monyok dan memuncung, comel. Ahh...lantaklah. Dia bergegas ke cermin dinding untuk memakai tudung. Sayup-sayup kedengaran pergerakan si gadis di ruang tamu oleh si suara. Menolak kerusi-kerusi, mengemas tas tangan dan lain-lain lagi. Si suara keluar dari guanya sambil menggalas beg belakang. Si gadis sedang membetulkan tudung yang tak mahu-mahu betul. Si suara menyambung menyuap Coco Crunch di meja makan. Si gadis tidak mahu bertentang mata atau menegur si suara selepas kejadian baru-baru tadi. Si gadis mengambil tas tangannya dan bergegas keluar. Menyarung kasut tumit tinggi dan menutup pintu. Aku pergi dulu! Bicara hatinya. Si suara terkulat-kulat seorang diri di meja makan. Itulah aku EMO tak tentu pasal. Si gadis berjalan ayu ke LRT seorang diri. Tanpa teman-teman menaiki jejantas seorang-seorang. Benci, benci, benci, pagi-pagi nak sakitkan hati orang. Si suara pun tiada kurangnya. Selepas habis makan, mangkuk dicuci. TV dimatikan. Kipas dan lampu juga. Memakai tumit tinggi, membuka pintu dan berjalan perlahan ke arah LRT. Takut nak lintas seorang diri, jadi terus ke arah jejantas. SIGH...

Sorry Si Gadis, jangan kau marah lama-lama sangat. Si suara menyesal. Pagi-pagi darah berkumpul kat otak.. tu yang cepat naik darah. :P

13.4.09

I know why you cheat.

A man is cheating on his wife. He had planned a romantic getaway with his secretary. He packed his suitcase, with lots of Hawaiian shirts and shorts. He wanted to look young. At least it seemed the right outfit for the young at heart, so he thought. His phone went off. The loud blaring tone caught him off guard, startled him. He didn't pick it up. It was a call, a missed call by the wife. He can't care less. In three hours time he will be out of the country. In three hours he will be in the arm of a gorgeous, saucy and youthful mistress. Long silky black hair, fine smooth skin and a pair of big plumply boobs! He bites back his lip. Swiped off his sweats. His imagination is running wilder as he folding clothes, stashing socks and briefs. Wait! He almost forgot, Viagra or condoms. He was contemplating on the box of condoms, after a while he decided to take both. You can never be too sure. His erection starting to hurt and the room is getting stuffier and warmer. He undid his tie and loosen a few button shirts. When he finished packing. He took his suitcase and went downstairs. He took his phone and dialed few numbers. He called his BDMs and selected BSOs telling them that he will be away for two weeks. It's business related. On his way to the Mistress house, he got another phone called from the wife. He accepted the call and wait for her to start the conversation. She said "Honey" and he said nothing. He simply cleared his throat as a sign for her to proceed. But she didn't. It was an awkward silent between them. Suddenly, he felt bad. He felt like an animal. He felt awful and there's no word in this life that can described it. He closed his eyes and hold his nose ridge between his forefinger and thumb. He took a sharp breathe in and mouthed a "yes..."

"Honey, I will miss you. I will. Take good care of your health and I will be waiting for you to come home. The kids will be waiting for your return. Remember, our anniversary? I can't wait, see you later love?"

Home..Kids..Health..Anniversary..Love..All of these words keep playing in his mind. He was dumbfounded and only manage to say "hmm". The wife disconnect the calls, but yet her smiles on every word she said lingers. Meanwhile, He was in pain. He wanted to tell her that he loves her too. He is proud of the kids and definitely will come home. No matter where he went or whom he with. he will come home, no matter what. His heart is still with them. Even so, how sexy and irresistible the mistress can be, he is till coming home. He quickly throw the phone to the passenger seats and concentrate on his driving. As he arrived at the Mistress house. She had already been waiting. She has a big, cute frown on her lovely young face. She was wearing a flimsy, floral dress and really low cut. Any minute now, her boobs will fall out. He liked it, a lot. It made him forget the earlier phone call by the wife. His children faces. He was in Love, in love with youth and sex. No man would say no to that, he justified. They both drove off fast into the sunset like a pair of giddy teenagers. They went straight to the airport, no detours. They had their ticket and passport ready. What going to happen next will be their story. Two weeks was all they had. In two weeks they will play and care for nothing but their own filthy pleasure.

Recession and a lot fo heartaches....




It feels like you're stuck in a dark corner.
The devil inside you're heart is etching to come out.
Nothing can stop the tears now, the future is pitch black.

12.4.09

LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH LAH...

Yes dear, I can tell you that I love you everyday and everytime of this life and the next lives. However hard it will be, to fall in love with you time and again but I will and I promise that I will Love you to the point you can't stand hearing it anymore. Can't you see it? Love will never be enough for us. What we have is more than love, it is something alive and breathing. Our love is infinity. If you die, I die with you and that I won't allow to happen. We belong to each other, you are mine as I am yours. I can't explain it but this is not love! What is it?

Love gave us life and Love kills us. Its not the best cure and definitely the worst poison. Ego, blinded us from what we truly feel. It made us cold towards each other. It makes us stranger to one another. I made you doubt me but I want to assure you that there's nothing I want more than saying " Yes dear, you are right and I am wrong!" and "Yes dear, I don't need anymore shoes!" and "Yes dear, PS games is a form of exercise!" because I love you.

What we have is more than Love. We have Hate, Anger, Misery and Secrets. All these insecurities and SECRETS. We have secrets, I don't know yours and I hope that you don't know mine. I love you but there are things that I don't want you to know. Love can't help solve thing and love can't really do much about anything. However, love took us here today and today love means more than everything we have.

Yes dear, I agree...Love brought me to you. No more pretense, no more secrets, no more ego and surely no more doubts. What we had is more than love its life. You'd entrusted your life to me, your precious life and so am I to you.I sold my soul to have you in my life and if Love can't keep you but I can. I can. You don't need LOVE, you need ME!

Yes dear, I got it now. Its ME! :) Thank you.

19.3.09

Clumsy In Love

"It always happen in the movie, why can't it happen in real life? Well movies are depiction of true life! Its an imitations, It can be fiction and life itself uncensored nor edited. Therefore, the possibility for it to happen exist. What is going to happen? What's going to happen is, love... Its downright nauseating and cheesy. But love is all about being cheesy and downright nauseating. This feeling comes and goes but the way it effects you is insane and funny. I always feel funny and insane.

The way he keeps running through my mind and I wish I know his name. I wish I knew his name for every odd reason! Reasons like, to Google him. To plan our wedding card and to come up with beautiful names for our offspring! All I need is a name and the living person next. Oh! wretched life. How did a single stare and a sheepish smile melted this cold hard rock heart of mine? How is it possible? What spell did he cast on me and lead me to a land of dreams? The way it happened almost like it was purposely done, perfectly coincidental and straight on the punch line. Is this fate? What follies, what bothersome and what nuisance. Why can't an over-voice just boomed out and tell me, QUICK! TAKE HIM BEFORE HE GETS AWAY! end of story and save me from a lifetime of misery. I don't want a second chance, I want that chance so I don't have to go through this right now and fretting the incident over and over in my blog! This is frustrating!!!"

I'm not being totally honest, aren't I? Let me tell you the story that took place on Wednesday, 18th of March 2009.
"At around 6:35PM. Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday is 'Gym Day'. At 5.30pm The She-Poet will clear all files away, shuts down her computer, switch off all lights and went down to the lrt station. By six she's waiting for the LRT and given another 15 minutes to board. In 5 minutes she'll arrive at KLCC and a 5 minutes walk to Menara Maxis and almost every time by 6:35 The Poet will be there at the entrace of Fitness First gym. She was alone in the elevator. Because the interior is filled with mirrors she was tempted and she spotted a smudge right under the corner of her left eye. As if she acted on impulse, she leaned forward, closer to the mirror and tried to smooth out the jagged line. Suddenly, the mirror breaks in two and disclose a blur figure with a grin on his face...She was caught off guard, fumbling and almost stumbling with her current situation. A silent scream played a good round of trauma attack in her head. What betrayal! There she was standing awkwardly with one eye wide open and mouth agape."

I was too embarrassed to notice... I actually or cognitively blind and it took me 3 seconds to notice that there was a guy staring at me face to face. His eyes was wide and a sheepish smile adorn his lips. He was glowing, his hair was wet that explained he just went out from the shower, he was wearing a crisp-y white shirt and a pair of black pants. His shirt was unbuttoned and I can see his sexy neck, colar bone...a bit of chest maybe.. just a glimpse of his chest muscles... :p Nevertheless, I was too embarrassed to notice anything else and make my way quietly to the entrance. But as I changed to my gym attire, while I was running on the threadmill, on my way back home and as I am closing my eyes to sleep. There he was can't stop smiling at me, blurry but definitely smiling at me.. hmmm"

The End.